so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
