$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sex in a hospital.. check
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize