Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
