I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
