come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
