and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
