you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm too high and old for this...
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