He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
foreskin is a definite game changer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
