"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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