Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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