wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
