So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
