mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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