I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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