Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We need a shit load of segways right now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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