I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
