just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
