absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
