so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
