How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
