She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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