naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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