You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
