I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
