So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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