dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
