FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
