apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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