He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
