I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
