it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
