If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
