were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize