My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
