I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
