I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have aggressive nipples.
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