I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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