Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize