The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize