Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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