Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
