At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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