i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
