You work out of a Hotel?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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