youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
