I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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