She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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