Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
