Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
