More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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