I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
