I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize