So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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