I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It was like giving head to a cactus.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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