We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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