Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
