Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize