spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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