i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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