I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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