So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
