I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Less talking, more tequila
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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