And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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